I think I have spoken about this before but I can still remember the day we lost my first dog Harley. I was 13 years old and walking down the laneway on my way home from school when my brother exploded past me on his pushbike in tears. I went inside and Mum and dad sat me down to tell me the news.
We had him since I was born and back in the 80s most dogs were outdoor dogs, we would play doctors and patients i'd be dressed up with my little nurse outfit checking his heartbeat with my plastic stethoscope, I know how cute right. Then as a teenager I remember laying on the grass together, we would share a packet of dog choc drops, yeh.... look they were not great but they were a form of chocolate, the bar to sugar is very low when you are that young, so no judgement please.
We had a very strong bond and I remember him with so much love. For children their pet can be their first experience of loss, so can have a deep impact on their emotions. It is a deep love for a family member and in allot of families a shared responsibility so when they are gone the hole they leave behind can be profound.
Here is what you can do to help your children deal with the loss of a pet
Talk about your own sadness
Be honest and open with how the death has effected you. Explain that it is perfectly normal to experience sadness and cry. Encourage them to talk about how they are feeling and ask them what you can do support them or even make suggestions on some activities you can do even something simple as sitting down and watching a movie together, but stay away from Marley and Me, that movie is gonna split you into 2.
Get a memorial gift
Pets in Bloom Planter Pet Urns can be a great way to remember your pet. Being the creator of this product I personally feel like growing something in memory of your pet can be extremely healing. New life to where life was lost. I know this is a selfish plug but the reason I started this brand was to help people heal, so if I don't talk about it, how y'all going to know.
Create a ritual
It can be a simple or complex as you so desire. Here are some suggestions to get you started
- Burn a candle.
- Plant a tree.
- Writing cards/poetry & reading them out with the family.
- Have a goodbye ceremony, you can invite each family member to share a memory.
- Go to a shelter and see how you can help out.
- Burying your pets toy.
Use books as a resource
There are book resources that you can use to help with the kids that cover the whole range of ages. Here are some one my fave's:
The Tenth Good Thing About Barney by Judith Viorst.
Dog Heaven by Cynthia Rylant.
Goodbye, My Friend by Mary Montgomery.
Conclusion
Each child is different and has different ways of grieving, as important as it is to identify that, it is also helpful to encourage them to sit in the grief and not ignore it. Pushing emotions down is not grief, it is avoidance and it will catch up with them later in their life so it is important to help guide them through grief effectively.
Sending love our there to all the little ones with a broken heart and also you parents out there, be kind to yourself your doing your best.
Lots of love
Chantal x
